i felt alive again.

i have been re-revived.

cant wipe the smile off my face since dinner.

i think i might have exaggerated the significance, but, this kinda stuff every little small things counts, forming up precious memories insignificant to others.

i need to try to sleep.

A spot of bother

halfway through. i kinda see myself in george. except that i'm not old nor as paranoid.

except that i don't have imaginations as vivid as his.

except that i'm not married to a wife for a good part of my life having frequent episodes of trysts and rendezvous with my old acquaintance, not having a gay son and a rebellious daughter who's got a son and stepping into her 2nd marriage.

other than these obvious differences, i think our thinking patterns somehow have similar wavelengths.

gonna finish this by this week.

-----------------------------------

watched vantage point today.

i felt like i've watched a 15 minute film for 7 times.

the plot felt ok and made sense but simple.

and the lv 999 secret service president's bodyguard who wouldn't die whn the explosion took place point blank of him, and who climbed out of the car wreck after being rammed at high speed by a 18 wheeler and sandwiched in between the truck and a cement wall.

and it was a short movie.

i'd give it a 5/10 for plot, 6/10 for thrills, 8/10 for the immortal bodyguard and a -2/10 for the excessive use of flashbacks. im fine with 3 - 4 times but anything more thn tht i'd feel like im watching back to the future 3 times in consecutive.

-----------------------------------

tired after a slow jog. zzz.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
what was i looking for?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life ain't like that

I FOUND THE BOOK!

or at least to the credit of the helpful librarian, he found it.

Staked out JERL the day before as I saw there's 1 available copy however it wasn't on the shelf.

Today I checked the catalogue again and found TWO copies available and immediately rushed there to check the shelves again.

But NO~

It wasn't there. Not even 2 copies?

Staked out BBCL the week before for people to return the damn book and some just had to let it overdue, and/or hide the book.

Constantly checking the catalogue religiously to note down the returning dates of the book of all the libraries I can conveniently get to way before that. Bishan Sembawang Jurong BB BP AMK etc etc. No luck.

Of course did drop a compliment in the suggestion box. Good services deserved to be praised. And especially I paid nothing to use the library facilities.

WooHoo~ but first I gotta finish a spot of brother first. Some twisted life humour if I may put it this way, in a philosophical kinda way.

-------------------------------------------------

I digress.

Life's not always like the above instance.

Just because you've tried hard doesn't mean it'll pay off in the end.
Just because you've attempted doesn't mean you're eligible.
Just because you've grown to like a person more and more
doesn't mean reciprocation.

-------------------------------------------------

If I lose myself with you tonight
Fall apart or hold on tight
Wrong or right
I won't be afraid
Cause ever if my heart should break
You'd be the best mistake I ever made

-------------------------------------------------

Can't help feeling ignoided.

Pardon my portmanteau.

More space I think.

-------------------------------------------------

I should be in bed 3 hours ago.

I need to wake up 3 hours later.

Polar B's Cave

crayola~~~


it's been 1200 years since i've been to jurong east regional library. maybe due to the 1189 years i've been sleeping centuries.

cool place they done up there. didnt visit ever since it reopened.

hell it rained today. but ne'er dampen my determination to search for the book "twilight" by stephanie meyer. of course i didnt find it as always. some aholes hid the book i think. if not it's not on loan for almost a week but it cant be found. just like in bbcl.

there's so many copies of it yet i can't even manage to get one. quite a hot seller i reckoned.

hence i settled in cafe galilee with a cuppa and read my thriller.

dun really know why but it seems tht im trying to make up for lost time for reading for the past zillion years. used to hear teachers say "have a habit of reading etc etc read 3 books a week etc etc a few hours a day etc etc". i guess its quite boolsheet if there aint any interest but i guess i have a hidden passion for fiction.

the latte is just some generic cuppa but still warmed me up amidst the torrential rain (yes, torrential) inside a chilly building. hell i enjoyed the couple of hours of letting my mind do the life living albeit fictional.

im more inclined to stuff a book, a note book, my meizu and anything i might need into my somewhat brandless gayish tote (hell i visited gucci and CK last weekend and hell i was fascinated by the bags and belts inevercuddaaffordrightnow. hail gucci!) and head town or anywhere i feel like it, get a latte or espresso frappa and plonk myself into a nice warm plush seat and let my eyes do all the work (and of course occasionally resting them a little and gaze at some orbital-diabetic-inducers of which town is in abundance.)

more often than not my mind seems to drift away when i my fictional reality in my mind was brought to an abrupt halt during the rest of my eyes. transcending between fantasy and reality often is a space of whyfantasynevercametrue and whymyrealityaintevenclosetofantasy. well its all sorts of eye welling thoughts so there's nth much to elaborate.

thn comes my meizu which acts like a failsafe tht keeps my ears busy in case my eyes went on strike or facing literary bottleneck.

there comes my trusty notebook for cutting pieces of my thoughts and gluing them on the pages like a scrap book. well it's not necessary a waytofeelbetter but more of like talking to someone and having company, except, it is a notebook.

need to keep check of where my mind veers off to and maintain normal spirits at least. eh eh, is this normal or im the only one saying out loud?

oh the rain. i kinda enjoyed the somewhat lessthangentle cold wind except for the million drops of rain tht made my outfit damp. was standing outside the library contemplating, while getting soaked slowly. thn "somethings getting in the way somethings just about to break i will try to find my place in the diary of..." is playing....

it be nice to read in cold rainy days, but of course you'll need a big tent to prevent the rain getting in but not keeping the mild gale out.

---------------------------------------------------

nonetheless i will strive to beat the next ahole who try to hide the book im looking for and damn sure well loan it out. god it cost 1.55 to reserve a book now. le horreur.

if anyone knows where i can loan it please lemme noe. aint got the dough for books cept' comics yannoe?

stephanie meyer Twilight xie xie.

---------------------------------------------------

did i mention anything about joanna wang ruo ling ytd? please take a listen. for an asian to have such a mellow mature sexy voice is....wooooooot~~

but her mandarin rendition of some songs are like, hmm, like chinese with angmor accent trying to speak mandarin but not totally ang mor accentish.

---------------------------------------------------

midnight shower's cold but washes away the day's weariness.

"Oh, But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep"

kiddie punk is da bomb~ at least for now.

orite gtg finish up the current book and chow the next one.

Mark Haddon!

And I'm tired

Waiting for your call, I'm sick
call, I'm angry
call, I'm desperate for your voice.
I'm listening to the song we used to sing in the car.
Do you remember, butterfly, early summer?
It's playing on repeat...
Just like when we would meet.

'Cause I was born to tell you I love you,
and I am torn to do what I have to,
to make you mine.
Stay with me tonight.

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh.
I am feeling so ambitious; you and me, flesh to flesh.
Because every breath that you will take
while you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes.
What's your fantasy?
What's your, what's your, what's your, what's your...

'Cause I was born to tell you I love you,
and I am torn to do what I have to,
to make you mine.
Stay with me tonight.

And I'm tired of being all alone,
and this solitary moment
makes me want to come back home.
( I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have.)

'Cause I was born to tell you I love you,
and I am torn to do what I have to,
'Cause I was born to tell you I love you,
and I am torn to do what I have to,
to make you mine.
Stay with me tonight.

-----------------------------

sometimes my meizu surprises me. it's as if it knew.
right i admit it's a young punk rock with all the blatant use of 'love', 'yours' and 'mine', and the immature lyrics and etc.

but i never believed people would mature 100% mentally as they age.

-----------------------------

"Tell me, tell me,
what makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure.
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable.
Impossible."

this i shall leave it till next post, if there's anymore.

-----------------------------

im being erased. =)

'twas given, 'twas taken away.

heightened meaning of 'beggars can't be choosers'.

now there's nothing left. maybe less.
my will is proportionate.
c'est ma vie, découragée.

-----------------------------------
-----------------------------------

'twas ne'er given,
thine wishful thinking.
thou art great pretender,
pretending thine yearnings befell.

-----------------------------------
-----------------------------------

oh. later i gotta go for my good friday duty. enough of half-canned literary attempts.

-----------------------------------
-----------------------------------

i'm gonna close my eyes and count to 3.

-----------------------------------
-----------------------------------

That day might never come,

But I'm looking forward to it everyday single day.

What am i saying, you won't know it anyway, unless you stumble upon this or I have the ability to think out loud.

I should be in bed 4 hours ago.

找不到有你的將來

不知　是對或是不對　不知　是好或是不好
不知你　甘會笑阮憨

夏天　西北雨的下午　想你　不知影你在哪
真希望　看到你的笑容

你的溫暖充滿著阮孤單的心臟
我不能繼續再等待想要對你說

乎你想　乎你猜　是誰人整眠煩惱
煩惱著　無情的風　無情的雨　阻礙咱的路

甲你疼　甲你惜　甲你捧在我雙手中
我一生唯一的希望　要給你快樂　好或不好

日子　有甜也有艱苦　有你　有我互相照顧
想要聽　你心內的感想

親愛　你甘有聽阮講　親愛　到底是好不好
甘講你驚阮沒信用還是你擱有苦衷

你的溫暖充滿阮孤單的心臟
我等待不能再繼續　想要對你講

------------------------------------------------

things actually get more wrong by the minute.

Sunday Sleep Through

Slept through Sunday. A waste of a beautiful day, got home at 7am from all the decadence.

Slept, woke up, lunch, slept, woke up, dinner, blogging.

Friday night was a waste. Nobody gives half a hole about my TGIF.

Saturday started with a nauseatic run at the botanic gardens, 0640h.

Nauseous maybe because:
1) Haven't been jogging in a long time.
2) Didn't drink enough water, causing mild heat exhaustion, because my arms feels cool and clammy after the run.
3) Diaphoresis after drinking water. Even if the weather is cool, I do not think that it will cool down my sweat the minute it comes out.

Anyway, had breakfast at holland road and teng chu.

Slept through afternoon after lunch and all set for the night.

Classmate Hanwei's belated celebration @ Manhattan's Fish Market. The food's decent but I think it can be better. Somehow something is missing. Halfway through dinner the birthday boy brandished his big bottle out.

Er, I meant a bottle Absolut Vanilla.

In the end, it's like he and I and his girlfriend drinking. Steph halfway geh siao go toilet and never coming in again, weiting + boyfriend left earlier for couple activities.

But I finished mine and he didn't.

Off to MOS we went and I presented my LU student card. Not recognised for the free entry! Next time get the degree how?

6 dollars and I'm in. Group strength: HW + GF + Steph and me. This is the first time i saw Smoove this empty. I know it's 2230h, but wtf? Early by clubbing standards?

Changed the drink and played abit and time to hit the floor.

Er no, no one got drunk. Time to dance.

2330h people started streaming in and the dancefloor was full. Steph left and left me and HW + GF.

Oh the music playing was kind of old school, those that were played during china black times.

Had a bit of fun but finally it was getting too crowded for me to be dancing with the 2. I mean, won't you be paiseh meh? Such a big osram hanging around.

Left for zouk (YAY~) because there's a friend there.

Abit of vodka lime, abit of whisky dry, abit of long island tea, a jug of whisky green tea which tasted like green tea and a lamborghini (my first and it tasted quite good and gotta mild kick afterwards).

Well some familiar faces appeared and abit more drinks.

Historically, history has a tendency of repeating itself. Again.

I wonder am I able to be honest with myself what's the reason I went there for.

Cabbed home near my old house and reached home 0700h.

---------------------------------------------------------

It was being unfair. Totally.

Different purposes. Different reasons. Same outcome.

Seeking solace in each other seemed wrong.

---------------------------------------------------------

I need to sort out my feelings only when I'm sober.

---------------------------------------------------------



Con te partirò~~

When you are far away
I dream of the horizon
and words fail,
and, yes, I know
that you are with me;
you, my moon, are here with me,
my sun, you are here with me
with me, with me, with me.

Time to say goodbye. -- I'll go with you
to countries I never
saw and shared with you,
now, yes, I shall experience them.
I'll go with you
on ships across seas
which, I know,
no, no, exist no longer.

---------------------------------------------------------

I can't help to miss MMA but since wednesday's episode of "ItsnotthatIdon'thavetimebutthetimeleftisbetweenfamilyandteachingpiano", I think I should back off awhile.

Backing off is a very dangerous move.

时间会冲淡一切 kinda works both ways.

Le sigh.

---------------------------------------------------------

Opera

No. Not the arty farty kind.

But this:



OMG.

How to slim down like that?

at least a good part of it was imagination

but it won't go away. the inner demons.

i've asked around. insomnia is one of the side effects.

guess i've got a few hours at hand everyday.

=) / =( ?

oh. i want to have the hairstyle like paul twohill.

i have bad feeling i have a bad feeling i have a bad feeling

about the incident.

yesterday's the meet.

and i thought it will be as per past few days.

the next few days will be quite trying.

please let this be just a bad dream or just my imagination.

or else it won't be just that.

i didn't know the side effect was insomnia

waking up at 2 hours interval and even before the alarm rang was no mean feat.

et tu?

maybe it's temporary.

shall try and sleep today to confirm the fact.

------------------------------------------------

maybe it's goodbye.

Le jour vous cessez d'avoir besoin de moi sera le jour je cesserais de respirer

Either the fear has to walk away or I have to have a stronger mind.

only the wind bringing words from thy lips i shall take heart,
and the wind that rejects the fonder for thee,
the flesh the bones the mind will agree,
remnants of breath shall halt
with the liquid of Apothecary.

on the verge of not taking down.

but after some glugs i guess i can tahan a couple a days. .

oh ye gods please grant me thy strength to pull through.

Sin from thy lips

I know it's a girly song but Bitter:Sweet -- Dirty Laundry's sexy arrangement of orchestra, beats and electronica seriously sensuously rocks socks. lyrics aside, i find the rhythm refreshing... ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
多少不能原谅的错却不能从来过...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this is seriously pretty new to me. the good the bad the pleasure the guilt.
i'm gonna close my eyes and count to 3.

...

i.cant.bear.to.see.how.it.plays.out.

the fear won't go away

amplified as if by the ticking of time.

C might become the second and Z might become the 25th.

I don't want this to happen.

walking on the wire

"somehow because of my own folly,
i have jeopardised what i've been
searching and waiting for

i cannot foresee the end
but i hope the start is
at least friends

i may not look like it
but the rhythmic beat that keeps me alive
can only fit one at a time

till it dies
wither away
pieces picked up
reborn
and ready for another
promises are without weight

forgive my selfishness."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
dunno can write into lyrics or not.

it's been drama like sial.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

bizzare love triangle


anyone heard of it before?

Sunkissed and pouty lips

woke up at 3 today! 3pm!

feeling abit hyper.

sunburnt skin is less warm but sore.

lips are pouty too. er. ya.

---------------------------------------

~and so, the lion fell in love with the lamb~

im feeling confused.

and feeling rather a bastard about it.

but i know it be worst off if i don't.

thanks for the day.

i appreciated the words and the gestures.

Hmm.

sure did ate alot today. but had a good workout by playing some serious table soccer.

-----------------------------
Novel?

I still remember the day, me in my long sleeves shirt and pressed pants and leather shoes and the green converse sling bag.

It was before 9am.

Walking out the lift, making a left turn to the narrow corridor, to my internship workplace.

There you are, standing there by the door with the slightest of idea that I'm the new guy reporting for internship.

Didn't realised that I kept looking at you till you said 'Hi, I'm ... ..."
-----------------------------

Some people want it all, Some just want nothing at all.

Some people want it all, because they just can't have enough.
Some people want nothing at all, because they had enough.

Either or, they've had something to begin with.

-----------------------------------------

思念是一种...。

也许一年就只能见那一次面。

-----------------------------------------

tu est tres belle.

For a moment like this, some people wait a lifetime. And of course, most people around me don't.

Hmm. I keep getting replays in my head these days.

Whenever I'm engaging in activities that is monotonous, like walking.

Then sometimes I'd chuckle abit. Then most of the other times, well, you know.

Over and over again.

Nostalgia + Heart throbbing

"Ah bitchy looking singer, she can sing?" may be your first thought but i couldn't care less. =)A simple melodic tune.



Khalil never fail to deliver a song that strikes a chord. With me that is.

我写了这首歌
是一首简单歌
不复杂也不难唱的那一种歌
这不是那种只剩下那钢琴的歌
也不是那种不能只是朋友的歌
这不是那种两个人的故事写在一本小说
那小说里有谁在花田里犯的错

这就是一首写给你听的一个 love song
一直想写一首 love song
你给了我一首 love song
那dj会播放
这也许会效仿
如果我只想写出一首 love song
一直想写一首 love song
你给了我一首 love song
你就像那夏天的凉风
吹过我的面孔
真想飞在我心底
你就是我的想说爱你

我写了这首歌是一首简单歌
不复杂也不难唱的那一种歌
这不是那种童话里会遇见的歌
也不是那种真真切切爱我的歌
这不是那种
两个人的故事写在一本小说
那小说里有谁在陪在看流星在降落

这就是一首写给你听的一个 love song
一直想写一首 love song
你给了我一首 love song
那dj会播放这也许会效仿
如果我只想写出一首 love song
一直想写一首 love song
你给了我一首 love song
你就像那夏天的凉风
吹过我的面孔
真想飞在我心底
你就是我的想说爱你

如果你是一幅画
你会是最珍贵的一幅画
如果那画假是梵高的画
有何贵人前来又献花
哥哥向你请教
梵高他说你们都该回家
如果你是melody就是最动听
所有的人都会跟着一起唱
就算在夜晚你的心才能

让我忘了月亮代表我的 love song

------------------------------------

Appearing offline seems to be the best way to avoid talking with me! Try it out now!

------------------------------------

I'll try my best not to lose my memories of you.

But 就算是汽车也需要添油。

------------------------------------

这感觉上是我自导自演的悲剧。主角只有一个。

------------------------------------

Don David Torrentes 2006

A crisp citrus nose, berries and perhaps abit of citrus fruityness about it. Slight oaky finish and acidic. Very refreshing, with a short tailing, makes you ready for the next glass.

-------------------

Alright my parents, aunties and I had meat buns with it.

but it's an excellent wine @ $19.95 this Don David Torrentes.

------------------

Oh not to forget the Youwell yogurt liquer. Good spritzy stuff as well. Goes damn well with jelly and fruits. I've got only 1 left.... who wants to share?

1 minute thought.

Maybe I've been searching for a fairytale ending all along.

That's why.

-----------

The excuses I've come up with to try my luck to catch a glimpse.

Sounds dangerously stupid.

-----------

Dying when missing and revived when her presence is felt.

Repeated dying and reviving is bad for health.

-----------

That's all for today's self-rationalisation-for-self-preservation.

Tired. Ate alot. Duty ending tomorrow.