心更重了

我现在只想一味的逃避。暂时找不到答案。
我不知道，不知道，不知道。
畏缩了，不知道怎么去爱了。

你爱的，是哪个我？是你当初喜欢的？是后来坚持住的？

现在的，是打回原形的我。也许比原来的我更原始。
这样的我，能爱吗？
充满无法忍受恶习的我，能爱吗？
不闻不问的我，能爱吗？
社交，生活方式不一样的我，能爱吗？
不轻易把肉麻挂嘴边的我，能爱吗？
倔强的我，能爱吗？
优柔寡断的我，能爱吗？
不善于表达的我，能爱吗？
不规律的我，能爱吗？
不是你要的，能爱吗？

畏缩，只因害怕。害怕，只因顿时失去勇气。勇气，去了哪里？

怎么需要走到这一步？怎么那么容易否定？怎么，那么脆弱？

思绪，像沙尘一般，滚滚翻腾。情绪，就像天气，晴阴不定。

酒入愁肠。

对不起，折腾了你。我不想，也不要。

心好重

空气也很重。

振作吧。

心情整顿中

不是终点，而是再一次的开始。

需要多一点点时间来收拾一下心情。让我能平静些，来勇敢地面对你。

需要做好心理准备。 需要鼓起勇气。需要踏出那一步。需要自续走下去。

也得明白，不是一生，便是一时。

整顿后，希望你的手已准备好牵着我的手，你的脚已准备好陪我一起走，你的心已准备好与我的心再次连结。

爱与不爱，都需要勇气。

Thankful

thanks love, for the surprises.

thanks love, for the gifts.

thanks love, for the rainbows.

thanks love, for loving me.

二十七

二十七，是俺的生日。
二十七，是俺今年的岁数。
二十七，是三的次方数。

以上，正好是二十七个字。

Sleeping is overrated. Or is it not.

It's 2.11am. Wide awake.

Perhaps I can fall into slumber the minute I close my eyes. Perhaps not.

Nonetheless, I'd just want to log down some key milestone of my life.

I've gotten a flat. Or rather, paid the option fee to secure my future flat with my love. Living near the city, sounds pretty good. But the pricing can be unforgiving. Got to work myself out of the rat race and secure financial freedom. Some sort of it will be nice.

I've joined and quited a MLM scheme. Or at least, trying to get a refund. Just can't bring myself to do it, to sell a product that made sense to me but the scheme itself is as with all MLM schemes, no value creation. I still hate the idea, to the core. Yooway, stop asking people out for tea.

As with all young Singaporeans, I hope to be able to earn a decent living, raise a family, support my parents and achieve my aspirations. I aspire to work when I want to, play when I want to and live the life as I want to. Realistically speaking, amidst the current economic climate and living conditions, the easy way out is always to be contented. Or feel contented. Or try to. Simply because I will have to slog it out for the next 30 years paying off a debt.

Not if I strike toto first. Haaaaa!

Anyone heard of My Dream Wedding? I've paid a deposit without planning to in the first place. But as the salesperson said, it's just a matter of time to have the wedding photoshoot. Might as well lock in the price. To assert my decision, I looked up the forums as well and the reviews were all positive! 法国婚纱 siboh?

It's a cathartic feeling, moving into another life phase like that. Everybody say, "awwwwwwww."


To my love: I wish you love and I wish you smiles.
Tu est tres belle, mon cherie~

I better get to sleep.

It's as if I wanted it.

I am just as torn.

Do you know?