feeling loserish

i had buffet at hilton! which was great!

friend's bday party at zouk! saw madamme A! =)

reached home at 5am! changed and jogged till 6.30am and came back!

i don't feel like sleeping. =)

I Love You 无望 你甘是这款人
没法度来作阵 也没法度将我放
I Love You 无望 我就是这款人
我身边没半项 只有对你的思念 陪伴我的每一天

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and so it was a b'day party to attend. of which the 20 or so people i only knew 4 of them.

of course they all knew each other and i'm the odd one out.

madamme A was there but of course, it's her bestie's b'day.

and so i'm kinda bordered from the conversations as i don't really have much common with them and i hate myself for being so useless and shy. i hated it when i shoulda struck a conversation but i didn't because my balls shrunk at the thought and missed the chance and kicked myself for missing the chance and stood there like, well, a loser. oright so i did try to fit in in the end but i think it was rather late. knew some of the guys' names.

how do you know you see a loser:
1) standing around but no one seems to be talking to him
2) smiling for no reason as he isn't part of the conversation
3) check phone excessively, unnecessarily
4) went to the dance floor and look for the so called friends (who have left already), excessively
5) kept stealing glances at A but didn't know how to approach and make conversation
6) walking away, checking phone excessively, and yes, unnecessarily
7) wanted to send both of them home, but guess what, one of them drove here (how can i forget she drives her mom car?)
8) being reminded by her friends that they should send her home as they are the "closer" ones

but i got in the car anyway and they did not. =)

thanks to one of the more sensible friends, of which is really close to madamme A in a very friendly way. (totally lost)

i hated myself for not putting my best front when she gave me a ride home. goofy and stuff. i tried to persuade her to just go home and i can make my way back from hers as seriously we are a hill apart.

and hated myself for not expressing myself clearly, "A! you know, i din really get to talk to you just now..." and she replied blah blah blah i forgot as i was quite taken aback to what i said rather thn what she said. it's really a dumb thing to say. what i really want to mean was "it's really nice seeing ya but i really wished we could hang out more"

congrats me. a dream is not even a dream anymore.

i digress abit.

it just seems that shedding 40 (now maybe 45) isn't enough, due to the following i gathered:
1) simply not good looking
2) not financially independent
3) nothing to like about, no talents (can't play musical instrument or play sports really well or even ride a bike)
4) committed the above mentioned loser acts
5) over imposing, my presence maybe
6) no way to get into their circle cos i need to be reminded (as mentioned)
7) and mainly, different kinda status. door doesn't meet door. (simple example: she drives)

look, it's a blunder to not guess that she drove to zouk.

and i offered to send them home. what a klutz. i can't find a hole big enough to hide myself. so much so for my hiding talent.

totally blown it. congrats me!

maybe we could stay as friends (more like pen pals).

but i ain't ironman.

and apparently from what i gather, she watched ironman with...

still, i really can't get my eyes off her. but i just can't stare too. the way she dances all and all...

she's so very special, i wish i was special,
her skin makes my cry~

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I need to have those what I mentioned that I don't have above.

Oh, my, problem solving time. Problems that, well, that are unlikely to solve.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the ride seriously, I can't say the same for her. But the inbuilt ego is somehow tickling my emo-ness to activate.

I don't wanna change race, but why I ain't paragon's owner's son/god son etc etc.

I love my parents though.

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i thought i could at least be something sort of like a 附属品 and be really good at it. what resulted, well...

i'm really sorry for you being my friend, to put up with my eccentricities (i'm proud to be an aquarian though), and also all these.


let me think it through. i need to rationalize my very existence.

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x_X

"pssst... i think that's the cue to exit the scene."

Exeunt stage

where did that feeling come from...

okie okie wake up wake up. don't dream don't dream.

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don't take it away hor~

3 days to think

Rules:
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag anyone to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people..

#1 If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?.

I don't know. The first condition wasn't met.

#2 If you can have a drink now, what would it be?

Sour apple schnapps frappe.

#3 What will your dream wedding be like?.

1 for local formality for the parents waiting till neck hyper extended, and 1 at every country for every year (insert pronoun if applicable) have been together.

#4 Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?.

If only it helps me feel better.

#5 What’s your ideal lover like?.

When I've found her I'd let you know.

#6 Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?.

How about being able to see each other at least?

#7 How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?.

I'm learning to move on instead.

#8 If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?.

The usual sins.

#9 Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?.

I'm so fucking happy I could cry.

#11 Is being tagged fun?.

Oh.

#12 How do you see yourself in 10 years’ time?.

Either earning 7-8k/mth or striking 3 1.5 million toto every few years.

#13 Who is currently the most important person to you (other than those living with you)?.

>_<

#14 What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?.

One that is working towards the top level of Maslow's Hierarchy.

#15 Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?.

It would hinge on the very basic thing like happiness.

#16 What’s the first thing you do every morning?.

I think profusely.

#17 Would you give all in a relationship?.

Refer to #1.

#18 What is the most important quality of life you look for?.

Here's what I observed:

MOST people who's not well to do yearned to get by better (read: rich). Most people who get by okay yearned better lives (read: richer) Most people who's well to do yearned happiness. Most people who are happy yearned contentment. Most contented person yearned almost nothing else maybe others would be as contented as them.

Where should i start, hmmmmm.....

#19 What type of friends do you like?.

that type la. you don't know meh? aiyah the type lor.

#20 If you played a prank on someone, & he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?.

Unleash the second one when his/her guard is down.

These people are tagged:
oh no. who's left? (or right.)

2 years ago

this date. i woke up feeling like shit.
with all my stuff packed up and dragging that load out of my door.

it was a saturday noon.

we reached early, my mom says lets have swensen's.

then

it was onto 2 years of my life i'd never get back.

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now i woke up feeling great.

2 years later this date.

it's a tuesday morning.

i had coffee and and toast and read straits times and watched people booking in.

=)

I don't know what's happening

and I wont pretend.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive.

It's a day of worthy of smiles.

In that order:

1) You know what =)
2) ORD Liao.
3) Another hopeless paper but is the last.

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